


an sos i can’t tap

by brawltogethernow



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: (in spirit), Canon Compliant, Drabble, Gen, Mid-Canon, Mind Control, for now!, is it even possible to write anything that's NOT ot3 preslash?, ongoing backwash trauma thereof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brawltogethernow/pseuds/brawltogethernow
Summary: If Gil could trust Tarvek to get his father's influence out of his head without leaving any of his own life would sure be easier.





	an sos i can’t tap

They wind through the beautiful hallways. With purpose, sure, but it’s more of an easy, strolling purpose than the frantic winding-unwinding of a spring that’s that’s propelled him through his own halls for — too long, now. Every window that stares into the deep ocean is a reminder of where they are. And Gil likes to think he’s from a pretty novel place himself, but no two fantastic settings are the same and a non-negligible part of him wants to stop and coo at the fish like an excitable child. Agatha is nearby and Klaus is a pulsing headache behind his eye.

   The words are almost crowding off his tongue. _Sturmvoraus, will you please perform impromptu brain surgery on me?_

   It’s the sleep he’s gotten lately tripping him up. When he lets himself sleep his brain starts to think it’s in a safe setting for all the exhaustion he’s been accumulating like unpaid tabs to set in. Jokes on you, self! Nowhere is ever safe. There are no safe places.

   He wants to ask him so badly, can’t get it off his mind — to remove this burden from him. But he knows it’s stupid! He _can’t_ trust Tarvek, especially not that far. Tarvek _just_ internalized that mind control is bad, and the conviction isn't exactly hard and fast. He can’t trust Tarvek not to leave a little present in his brain, to sneak in just a titchy safeguard, for his cause, for his upper hand, for the preservation of his safety, no matter how much Gil's gut insists he can. And it's a continent of people he'd be betting on that instinct, not just himself.

   Fourteen years ago — only twelve for Tarvek, _god_ , so many of the people he measures himself by were stuck he feels like _he’s_ the one whose time is out of joint sometimes — his father took him aside and told him the truth about who he was and showed him that Tarvek Sturmvoraus had been using him, _making_ him believe he had a friend because he so badly _wanted_ to.

   He wants to believe he has a friend in Tarvek now.

   Gil _knows_ Tarvek wants the Empire, an empire. He's _told him so._ For Gil it’s a weight he can’t put down, but he’s got to remember, as much as he’s trying to get Tarvek to work with him — well, for him: He has something Tarvek wants.

   He can’t trust him.

 

-§-

Agatha’s the only person in this world with enough ability who he can also trust. It was never as important or feasible as getting Sturmvoraus’s Wasping remedy, but _now_ — now that she’s _already out_ —

   Father is a snarl in his thinking capacity, a muscle knot. Thinking about this makes his vision start to go grey-blue and strange.

   He’s going to have to find some way to — give himself to her, somehow. Without the trap in his brain stopping him. Without relying on Tarvek too much or _seeing_ her or _thinking about her too hard_ and it’s been _two years_ , and he —

   Blast.

   He hopes she can figure it out.

   Entrusting something this important wholeheartedly to another person feels like jumping off a ledge into empty space at this point, after the last few years. He’s always had a problem with that, and he can tell ruling has made him worse, even as he can’t see anything to do about it. It’s just a slope of negative character growth he’s been watching himself slide down. But he knows he can, still.

   He’s got to remember.

   He can trust her.


End file.
